Well I’m heartily sick of doctors and medical tests at this point, yet also tremendously grateful for their care and compassion because I have some awesome experts on my side.
If you remember from the last blog, I was waiting for some results to see if they could find the cancer that was causing the elevated tumour markers. The good news is that they couldn’t find anything. The bad news is that they couldn’t find anything. A repeat test still showed way high markers. So, it’s back for more consults next week. Waiting.
As we age, I guess there is more and more death around us, and it’s been a pretty bad few months that way. One friend lost her sister-in-law way too young. Another friend is doing the breast cancer treatment regime. My good friend back in the US took her own life after a lifelong war with mental illness.
Time. The one thing we can’t control. As a control freak, this used to freak me out. I lived at breakneck speed, thinking that my value lay in how much I could accomplish. I often joked that the one life lesson I wished I could learn before I died was to be able to relax and enjoy life, and that I’d probably learn it the day before I fell off the perch.
Well the good news is that I think I’m finally learning it. That is the gift we are given as age and fragility spotlights our mortality. Learning that time is precious, realising that things which we thought mattered are now questionable, and finding that the simple act of waking up and breathing is amazing.
Perhaps I’ve known it for a while because when people would say they dreaded their birthdays I often respond that each mile marker was a miracle for me. And when others remarked that growing old sucks, I told them that it beats the alternative. I said it but I didn’t really live it.
Now I’m living it more and more. Take it from me, it’s a great way to live! Time is like a fine wine, to be savoured slowly and intensely, with consciousness and gratitude.
I think I get it now. Finally. You should try it.